Kalbzayn's Writing World - Kids

Let's See a Show of Hands

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 16:35:31 -0700

Let's throw out a hypothetical situation.

Let's suppose for a minute that you pooped your pants. Then, lets further suppose that when you dumped the poop from your underwear into the toilet but you forgot to wipe your butt.

Now, give yourself 2 minutes to walk around before you realize that you forgot to wipe.

How many of you would have poop on your legs? Probably most.

How many of you would have poop on your feet? Probably most again.

How many of you would have poop on your knees, elbows, hands, face, and chest?

I hope that any of you with your hands up at this point are 3 years old or younger. I also hope that nobody in my family can raise their hand to that question next year when we turn 4.

I met a star today

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 23:30:07 -0700

I met a star today. His name is Joe and when he approached the stage, the audience went wild and hung onto every word.

When he was done a line formed to get his autograph and have a few words with him. The tail end of the line had to wait at least an hour.

Joe is a great star. Instead of rushing through each autograph and trying to escape to lunch, he took a few minutes with each person. He talked to them and looked them in the eye. For those few minutes, nobody else existed for Joe.

Joe is the star of Blue's Clues. He was hanging out in our mall promoting a made for TV movie that will be airing August 8th.

Because of his attention to the audience, and my kids, I bet I remember to let them stay up late and watch the show.

Technorati tags: Joe, kids, Blue's Clues

Coolest moment in a long while

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 19:56:35 -0700

Rebecca and I were cleaning up after dinner today. We've been making J walk around the house without his pants and underwear so it is easier for all of us to tell when he is starting to pee.

He got off the chair after dinner, walked to his urinal, and started making pee noises with his mouth and aiming at the potty. But nothing came out. We were still pretty proud of him. We've been working hard to consistantly stand him in front of a potty before and after certain events like eating, bath, leaving the house, etc.

So he wanders off to play in the library while we clear the table. Rebecca and I are talking and he comes wandering by. He stands in front of the potty and starts peeing all over the place. Rebecca was close enough to help him aim before he got more than the couch, the wall, and the floor.

Afterward, he walked calmly back to the library and started playing with toys like it was no big deal. Rebecca, A, and I were all excited for him.

We decided to make sure we stay around the house and keep trying to reinforce the pottying in the potty over the weekend.

Technorati tags: kids, potty training

Proof dogs can play baseball.

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 17:11:13 -0700

This is from a conversation with my daughter from not more than 5 minutes ago. Now remember, she's 3 1/2

A - Dad, can dogs play baseball?
Me - I don't think so.
A - Yeah. They can.
Me - Well, they can run and catch a ball, but I don't think they can hit a ball, Can a dog hit the ball?
A - No (pause). But they can poop.

There you go folks. Proof that dogs can play baseball.

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Technorati tags: kids, funny, baseball, dogs, poop

A running log of a day in the life of potty training

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Tue, 04 Jul 2006 12:08:25 -0700

I'm working with my son today on potty training. I have the urinal set up in the basement. I have a load of clean size 3T underwear and shorts. I have a bored daughter flopped on my lap as I type.

This morning, I took J (son) into the bathroom for 3 minutes and then every 15-20 minutes, I took him back in for another 3 minutes. Around 10'ish, I knew he was getting close, so we stood for about 20 minutes in front of the normal bathroom potty with the sink running. Bladder of steel. I left him wander off for a couple minutes while I gathered up some things for a quick trip out of the house. And he peed on the library floor before I got back.

Then he peed again in Meijer.

At 1:00pm, we stood in front of the urinal in the basement for 3 minutes. A (daughter) is sleeping on my lap right now. Jack will be heading back to the potty in about 5 minutes. I'll update this as we progress through the day. I think between 3 and 4 is when I'll get my best chance of him actually peeing in the potty. Cross your fingers.

Updates:
1:27 - Woke A up setting her down on couch so I could take J to the potty. He did not pee, but he did stand there without me needing to guide him back to the urinal for two whole minutes. As a side benefit, he's getting very good at putting on and taking off his shorts and underwear. Child crosstraining, I guess.

1:55 - J snuck a pee in on the couch. The kid really can hold it forever when he wants to. He reminds me of a cat that we used to have. He would flat out refuse to use his litter box no matter what on certain days. And then right in front of us, while looking at us, pee on the carpet. I think J has a bit of an aversion to potties and is just refusing. Did I mention that we've decided that he is done wearing diapers. Just underwear from now on? Poor couches and carpet.

2:15 - Going to have to postpone the 2:15 trip. I Like To Move It from the Madagascar soundtrack is rocking the basement right now. Much jumping on the couch. No time for potty until the song is done.

2:25 - No pee, but some progress. I walked him over to the area where the urinal is. Without saying anything, he took off his pants and underwear and stood in front of the urinal. He got distracted for a minute when his sister had a mini-meltdown, but walked back to the potty without complaint. I actually had to tell him we were done after 5 minutes. Then he got dressed without any help and without me saying anything. That's good for something in my book.

2:55 - Pee on the couch. None for the potty. Another trip where he did everything by himself. I'm counting that as my minor victory for today. Hopefully, I'll get lucky and catch him with a full bladder before bed. I've figured out why A is being a little whiney. She's got a little bit of a fever and just wants to cuddle and doesn't like when I have to leave her to help J. She was calm this last trip. Everybody seems to be learning something.

3:15 - When we finished (doing nothing but standing there), he said, "Help with underwear. Help with pants." If you knew how infrequently J talks with a definite context, that would sound pretty amazing. Plus, he's getting more and more in touch with the entire context of the potty process. Go J.

4:15 and 4:45 - I missed an update because we needed to wander into a different part of the house for a while. It looks like today is a day for getting good at getting dressed and undressed and standing in front of the potty. J likes paterns, so we may be stuck there for a little while. Believe me, when he makes the next breakthrough, you'll be one of the first to know.

Technorati tags: kids, potty training

The end is in sight

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 08:36:25 -0700

Kids really do have it good these days. My son (3 1/2) has a urinal. I'm 31 and I've never had a urinal. He's not even potty trained yet and he gets to pee like he's out in public in the privacy of his own home.

But it gets better.

So last night, we noticed that he hadn't peed for a few hours. We ask him if he needs to go potty and he stares at us like we're crazy. A little while later he brings us one of the books we have that explain what pottying is all about. I read a few pages for him. He kept trying to turn the pages himself like he was asking me to get to the good part.

All of this takes place in our library (Note: Not a rich man's mansion library with dead animal heads, leather chairs and mandatory pipe smoking. We turned our formal living room into a library by building a bunch of built in bookcases and not putting a TV in the room). Rebecca goes and drags his urinal out of the bathroom and puts it right in the middle of the floor of the library.

I take off his pants and stand him in front of the urinal and gently keep him from walking away. After about 15 minutes a little bit comes out and he shuts it off. For some reason, he is almost afraid to actually pee in a potty. Couch, bed, carpet, dinner chair are all fair game, but we're not going to get that potty dirty.

We make him continue to stand there and start cheering for him to finish the job. About 2 minutes later, full flow. He gets a big smile watching it. Afterward, we ring the potty cow bell and dance around the living room giving each other high fives.

Good times, but if he thinks he'll still be peeing in a urinal in the middle of the library a few months from now, he's got another thing coming...unless we get one big enough for me to use, too.

Technorati tags: kids, potty training, funny

The kids start school today

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 11:02:53 -0700

My son should be heading off to preschool right about now. Today is his first day of school. Ever.

His twin sister went to a park district nature class today. She won't be starting formal school until the fall. Long uninteresting story that I'll try to remember to write about some other day.

Today is the first day either of them have ever been watched by somebody other than me and my wife, our families and a couple friends.

To celebrate, we went to Chuck E Cheese last night. The kids had a blast and ended up so tired that we just changed their clothes and put them in bed when we got home.

It is such a strange concept to have your kids wander off into the world alone and have an independent life. I know they are only three, but this is where it starts.

I'm excited about all the things their going to learn and the growth we're going to see over the coming years, but it's still a little sad that you don't get to just stop time and enjoy that pre-preschool age for several more years.

I talked to my daughter on the phone after her class. She was excited about all the things they looked at. The saw a cardinal and a big pile of dirt among many other things. The phone call got cut short because she had to make peanut butter and jelly for lunch. They grow up so quickly.

All the good names are already taken

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 10:13:51 -0700

We bought a couple fish last night. Two small, orange, non-goldfish type fish that cost less than $2 each. I figure that I shouldn't spend too much money on individual fish until I know if I can keep them alive. We had considered doing something similar when we were trying to have kids, but the powers that be don't seem to think that's a good way of doing it.

They made it through the night. The fish, that is. Well, the kids, too, actually. It was a good night.

My daughter named them Nemo and Dorothy. I'm sending my licensing check to Walt Disney to cover the cost of using the name Nemo. Elmo reportedly is not going to push for the fee as long as I provide a link to his site. This one here might be one of the coolest Elmo things going. I'll have to set remember to set up a call for our daughter who loves talking on the phone.

Our son greeted them by smeering something from his hands all over the glass. Well, it might have been his face. He inspected the fish very closely to make sure they were up to code.

The fish replied by waving that long string dangling from their bellies. I can't wait until I get to explain that one to the kids.

Tooting her own horn

kalbzayn@gmail.com (Mike Miller) — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 21:54:57 -0700

I'm convinced that everybody should have kids. They are just too funny. Tonight, the kids were getting ready for bed. Our daughter carried this little plastic clarinet up the stairs playing away as only a three year old can. Music to somebody's ears I'm sure. Every few steps she stops and asks, "Can I play the trumpet now?"

In the bedroom, she gets stripped down and I ask her to put on her training diaper. She gets up and runs away from me. I start to use my daddy voice to get her moving and she says, "Can I play naked trumpet now?"

Yes, folks, you have not lived until you've heard your three year old daughter ask if she can play naked trumpet instead of getting ready for bed.